Thursday, November 29, 2007

Spam Review - Part 1

I thought it would be an interesting idea to delve into all currently rejected messages in my "spam" folder and see what interesting works of marketing genius had been thrust upon myself and countless others. Surely there will be more to come. I've done my best to remove web addresses, but didn't bother with the email addresses, as they are faked anyway. Giddyup...

From: mingfeng Podszebka
Date: Nov 27, 2007 1:16 AM
Subject: nubijiti

we cannot keep up with the xmas rush, have you brought
yours yet?

I haven't brought my rush yet, I tried it against the Packers a few weeks ago, and Benson was stopped.

From: Noel Hinkle
Date: Nov 19, 2007 9:53 AM
Subject: stimulate a cosmic shaft Allan

The subject header is a great piece of spam there. I believe that was a very early Pink Floyd instrumental, like from 1968.

From: griffy sheela
Date: Nov 14, 2007 3:42 AM
Subject: [news #84015]

Want the degree but can’t find the time? WHAT A GREAT IDEA! We provide a concept that will allow anyone with sufficient work experience to obtain a fully verifiable University Degree.Bachelors, Masters or even a Doctorate. Think of it, within four to six weeks, you too could be a college graduate. Many people share the same frustration, they are all doing the work of the person that has the degree and the person that has the degree is getting all the money. Don’t you think that it is time you were paid fair compensation for the level of work you are already doing? This is your chance to finally make the right move and receive your due benefits. If you are like most people, you are more than qualified with your experience, but are lacking that prestigious piece of paper known as a diploma that is often the passport to success. CALL US TODAY AND GIVE YOUR WORKEXPERIENCE THE CHANCE TO

Ok, Michael, where did you earn your Ph.D?
Well, that's not important, as the degree is - verifiable.
Yes, that is fine, but where did you attend school to earn this degree?
Um, I need to take a call, here... can I step outside for a minute?

From: Galia Kozina
Date: Nov 10, 2007 11:54 AMSubject: moyencha
Now im not shy in the public toilets
mor-tsop moquegua

Hey, that's dynamite, good for you, Galia. Some people just can't make #1 when people are around. Good for you. And morinace mpetible to you too, dear. It's only slightly less consternating that this message came from an organization called "arnold insulation". Finally! Someone has successfully tied peeing in public to insulation. That's just magic.

From: Teshigahara
Date: Nov 10, 2007 4:56 AM
Subject: [5]:

We offer the software for downloads only. It means that
you do not receive a fancy package and a printed manual that actually aggregate the largest part of the retail price. And one more advantage of OEM Software is that you don't need to wait for delivery. You can download and install you software at once after paying for it.

Gee, which part of inner China is this coming from? I think it's called "counterfeit" in my country.

From: Liban Konekeo
Date: Nov 5, 2007 4:32 AM
Subject: hidakayu

How's tricks? mikeydhh
you know she wants a bigger pen1s so why not give it to

Hey, Tricks are for KIDS. And it's damn delicious, with all its sugary, imitation fruit goodness. And my pen1 is just fine.

From: Rolando shalosky
Date: Nov 5, 2007 5:44 PM
Subject: gleichsp

hello stranger mikeydhh
if you think sex will get
better, your wrong, so you need to enlarge it
Rolando shalosky

Hey, if you think your grammar will get better, you're wrong. And my wrong isn't your wrong, or something like that. And yes, you correctly addressed my alter ego, the "stranger mikeydhh", not the normal one that helps old ladies across the street and rakes leaves.

From: metehan morrone
Date: Nov 4, 2007 5:26 AM
Subject: etteteci

hay you mikeydhh
love your new size and use it
fully when you take MANSTER
metehan morrone

Aw, c'mon, don't hay me! Last time someone did that to me, it was in a barn somewhere in central Illinois. I was buried to my neck in hay and various insects. It's like those old days of "whitewashing" someone with a ton of fresh snow. Glad you love my new size, I believe it's 32 for the waist.

From: Munif kinnaird
Date: Nov 9, 2007 5:34 AM
Subject: metsefhc

Bigger schlong = more enjoyment for partner!

minities mihsakan
miotaxis metamere

Schlong, huh? Spelled that way? Must be the German enhancement. What about
Big butt = more cushion for the pushin'
Big belly = bigger shed for the tool
A (squared) + B (squared) = C (squared)
Say hi to Minities or Miotaxis for me.

From: keri
Date: Oct 29, 2007 5:32 PM
Subject: is it you?

keri here Do not ignore me please, I found your email
somewhere and now decided to write you. Let me know if you do not mind. If you want I can send you some pictures of me. I am a nice pretty girl. Don't reply to this email.

Do not ignore me! But don't reply to this! Nice pretty girl. How about a pretty nice girl? Can't wait for the pictures.

From: zoran Slawsky
Date: Nov 2, 2007 2:53 PM
Subject: noohs

whatz craken mikeydhh
confront your insecurities and do something about that tiny cock
zoran Slawsky

Hey, now don't start breaking bad on my pet bird. Little Larry sits in his cage all day and keeps me company. Sure he's small, but he's a good buddy. And what is "craken" with you? What the hell is "craken"? Are you stupid? Larry uses better language, dipshit.

From: Terry Barber
Date: Oct 29, 2007 1:37 AM
Subject: ja5hd

Yet, even when set face to face in this way, some
persons, because of obscurations from bad karma, and from pride, although the hook of the rays of grace [striketh against them], flee from it. [If one be one of them], then, on the Third Day, the Bhagavan Ratna-Sambhava and his accompanying deities, along with the light-path from the human world, will come to receive one simultaneously.
Repeat thou these [verses] clearly, and remembering their significance as thou repeatest them, go forwards, [O nobly-born]. Thereby, whatever visions of awe or terror appear, recognition is
certain; and forget not this vital secret art lying therein.
According to one's good or bad karma, the vital-force floweth down into either the right or left nerve and goeth out through any of the apertures [of the body]. Then cometh a lucid condition of the mind.

This is the most bizarre one of them all, thus far. It turns out to be spam for more counterfeit software. Talk about having no morals!

From: Leticia Raymond
Date: Oct 29, 2007 9:42 PM
Subject: Timepieces by Zenith

Brand new 2007 Replica models Express Worldwide shipping
Available. Unbeatable Quality at Unbelievable Prices. 25% discounts & more!

Ooooh counterfeit Zenith watches? What else do you have to offer? Imitation Tandy computers? Fake Goldstar VCRs? Fake Broksonic stereos? Keep in touch. Would love to use that 25% discount to knock the price down to 8 dollars, and keep some money laundering organization in Moscow afloat.


Anonymous said...

You were much to stern with Zoran Slawsky.

The Vapid Voice said...

Ok, whoever wrote that has to 'fess up and email me. I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Gawd, my heart hurts... too funny.