Monday, December 26, 2005

An Open Letter To Christ

Happy birthday, asshole,

If anyone believes in karma, or the biblical dream of the kind-hearted folks being rewarded, let them show themselves and their proof. I tried doing the Christian thing by giving my worldly possessions for others, and now I’m disdained, frowned upon, and disrespected. This December has been insane – tons of people very close to me have been hospitalized, I’ve had my own personal hell, and no single day has been purely normal. Yes, Christmas is all sweet and mushy, and I can reminisce about the Charlie Brown cartoons as a kid, this was nothing but a day. I am a respectful Christian, but for this year, I must say… Hey J.C, happy fucking birthday – now go back to doing nothing and watching passively as the “sinful” world classifies me as a destitute worm. Hey Christ, you know I gave up almost everything to support other people? Oh yeah, one was dying of disease. Where are all the church services on my birthday? You didn’t have it so bad, zippy. I’ll take 16 hours nailed to a cross any day, over gradual defeat, unwarranted persecution, and eventual poverty in the interest of Christian selflessness. I know I’m going to Heaven because I know your teachings and actually do believe in you. Do you understand that your teachings, when followed ardently, can create a miserable existence? Oh wait, I must respect my body, it’s the temple of the Lord. How do I respect my “temple” if I can’t afford food, Captain Genius? For someone so allegedly omniscient, you really suck at expressing yourself, especially when those biblical contradictory thoughts rival a Bazooka Joe comic.
People who go beyond the call of duty as a Christian should – no must – be rewarded a little bit during their earthy existence. That classic question, why do good hearted, loving people die unnecessarily or give themselves without reward? Conveniently the answer is “the sins of the world…” Nice try.

Why do people give up believing in you? If you don’t see why, then stop now and remind yourself that you’re a fucking moron that can’t even speak Aramaic without contradictions and pointless aphorisms. You’re a loving god – and loving people down here in the ‘hood, well they get pummeled to death by thugs. Oh but that’s due to the evils of the world injected by Satan. Pass it off like a forged “sick day” note from mom. Your intent is for humans to love those as they would want to be loved, then we are trampled when giving ourselves up as you might hope. Various millionaires have lived flawless lives, selfishly and heartlessly. Read that hastily compiled bible – human suffering was to be showered upon the pagans and evil doers. After hurricane Katrina, devout Christians even erected simple chapels to pray to you. Let’s see, they are incredibly devout followers of you, and they stay faithful despite “evil” destruction. If you have the power, strength, and knowledge, as a loving god, to change things, maybe throw those people a bone and whip up a subtle miracle or nice surprise? Your teachings may be well intended, but you’re a real asshole in terms of backing us up in the late innings. Thank a lot, mister ambivalent. Go back to sleep.


Xoinx said...

You lose your audience with those first three words (assuming that they've forgiven "A Open Letter"), creating an uphill battle to win back those who don't close the window immediately. I mean, I don't consider myself Christian, but anyone who pisses on him is either a provocateur or a Satanist (the most desperate of provocateurs), and neither tend to have anything rational to say.

And look, it's another Mikey rant. Move along, folks--nothing rational to see. You're not only whingeing, you're railing against the Job syndrome. Cleverly rephrasing "why me?" is not philosophizing--it's throwing a pity party.

You're brilliant and big-hearted, Mike, and I'm sorry that Fate likes the sound of kicking you in the nuts, but your recent work is all heart and no brain.

Normally, I wouldn't dare to criticize someone's bloggery, but you did make a point of advertising it, and you did mention your respect for sincerity.

The Vapid Voice said...

Your first point - very true. Open letters are just proof that one's fart stinks the most.
Hell, while at it, this was a really nicely posed post.

Onto other things. Satanism doesn't base its dogma around anti-Christianity, it's a naturalistic faith. Nihilists, and girl-chasing agnostics might qualify, however. I'd hope to be, as you said, a provocateur. I still hold faith, as I'd have no occasion to moan if I held no belief in higher powers.

"Another Mikey rant". That's the theme. My rants attempt to serve as cathartic, amusing essays that express the frustrations and injustices which all of us might endure. If this is a "pity party" then obviously this collection of rants was not worth your time. I apologize for the wasted efforts of your expended blog-browsing.

Most "fans" (oy) respect the notion of my works being mostly heart and no brain. This passage was the most visceral take on my passion, since the onset of my abbreviated venture in essays. As with games of skill or similar quests, all heart, no brain is the key. Let one succeed without their own mind getting in the way. I held passion in my thoughts, but find no point in speculating as to my history. These wasteful rants are for all.

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Vox Improba said...

All heart, no brain?

Perhaps all fart, no stain?

No need to explain. That would be vain.

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