Monday, January 14, 2008

Relationship Injustice Part 9 - Friendships?

It's been quite a while since I've written anything in this series. Most people will just click away from these "heavy" topics, but sometimes there is insight from the insane. For once, this entry in the series doesn't necessarily just address serious, romantic relationships, but general friendships as well. Some people I know might consider this a shot across the bow, and if so, then let it be, but I try to keep things as impersonal as possible in these venues. Emphasis added to the word "try". I stick to my beliefs, try to be a good person (more emphasis) and if people I know can't handle that, then so be it. There isn't much I can do, but as usual, people I thought were caring, giving friends tend to drop like flies in the Sahara.

To be the good little school boy and pose the thesis right away, I'll wager that so many, if not all, of our relationships cater to our own human sense of selfishness. Now that's a nihilistic, pessimistic way of looking at things, but really - every relationship gives us something, and we want more and more of it - be it that rush of hormones during a mushy moment, a few extra laughs from a friend, a favor, or whatever.

Think of it - say you get a voice mail from a couple friends saying they'll be out, and want you to come along. What are the thought processes? You might relax, you might catch up on gossip, you might get a few drinks, etc. All for you. Only rarely do we truly do things because we are worried about one's well being, just for their sake. I know that's horrible to say, but really - most often, hanging out with friends is a self-serving activity - not that I can offer a truly altruistic alternative reason for seeing friends, or spending hours on the phone.

In a similar pessimistic train of thought, one could say that a heavy romance is merely to either "get some", "make out", show off the latest arm jewelry/trophy mate, or get that endorphin rush from being in love. Again - inherently selfish - technically speaking, it is. One might think that by this logic, or lack thereof, there is nothing good in a close relationship. Not true. Giving of one's self, for any occasion, purely out of concern, "love", and desire for that person to be happy - that's the trick. I'm not saying that anyone that meets their new #1 should empty their proverbial pockets and give all worldly possessions to the new beloved, but always be mindful of giving versus taking. Friendship's benefits should not be one's anathema.

I won't live above my own tenets in any of my current views. Sometimes I don't call someone for months, then when it might be a riot to hang out, I call. Probably selfish of me, but then again, I've tried to be mindful of that, and have exposed my belly enough times to call and check in with an old friend for no other reason than to see how they are. Usually such maneuvers are greeted with the "are you nuts" response, and the whole thing decomposes from there. I don't get those calls too often, it's a damn shame. Maybe we should all make more of an effort to give a shit about the people we claim are friends and just call to see how they are. Some do, some don't, some will, some won't. As I used to say, when people stop calling, they either think your dead, useless, or both. Don't be either one! Count those true friends on one hand and hope that all five fingers are extended at the end of the census.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Spam Review #3

Here we go again, kids!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Dutch Gardens
Date: Jan 10, 2008 9:14 AM
Subject: Exciting New Roses for 2008!
Exciting New Roses for 2008!

Anyone who finds roses exciting really needs to just soak their face in epsom salt water and drown themselves.

Petals are a romantic shade of warm pink with a creamy
reverse. The perfume is a heady blend of traditional rose fragrance and the aroma of fruit.

Buy Now! $19.95

What the hell is a creamy reverse? Oh, this just screams of a Cinemax soft porn movie.

Luscious, rose-pink flowers are striped with ivory and
have an apple.

Buy Now! $19.95

And that would be the title of the Cinemax soft porn movie.

Collection includes 5 plants: Scentimental, Lasting
Love, Barbra Streisand, Vavoom, and Stainless Steel.

Buy Now! $84.95, 5 plants

Do I want a Streisand rose? And what the hell is a vavoom? Is Norton popping out? Stainless Steel? Works great with flowers.

Collection includes 5 plants: 1 Moonstone, 1 Gentle
Giant, 1
Ebb Tide,1 Dream Come True, and 1 Strike It Rich.

Buy Now! $84.95, 5 plants

If there are better euphemisms for sexual acts, I'd love to find them.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: GreatNewCars
Date: Jan 11, 2008 5:53 PM
Subject: Searching For a New Car?

Searching for a new car? Hell, I've had nights when I was searching for my old car.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: StudentAdvisor
Date: Jan 11, 2008 12:24 PM
Subject: mikeydhh start your education today
The next Scholarship drawing is January 15th 2008.
Have you entered yet?
You could be the next winner in the $10,000 Scholarship
Giveaway! Confirm your entry now! Use your winnings for:-

Yourself, friends, or family

Living expenses
The Student Resource Team

I'd LOVE to start my education today! Why, those 16 years I spent in school were nothing! And I love the idea of using the scholarship money for myself, friends, and family. What is this, University of Miami?! FOLKS! I can use the scratch for some cheap booze and that new car I'm supposed to be finding.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: e.Research.Council
Date: Jan 12, 2008 5:23 PM
Subject:, Feel like going out and
blowing $1000? pending participation

Just charge it. Anything you want on your $1000
Gift Card. Just click on the link below to send the credit card bills to
us. (Participation required. See below for details.)

Hell no! Not with a 10,000 dollar scholarship coming my way! Ok, maybe we'll talk. I can drop a "G" at Walmart with the best of them.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Dianne Hobbs
Date: Jan 9, 2008 12:45 AM
Subject: These work. I gained 4 inches length and 1 inch

Impress the ladies when you whip out your new improved
and larger penls

Ok, the penile enhancement spams were inevitable, they've tapered off since the holidays (such warmth). This is just inherently disturbing that the subject of this message was written by someone named "Dianne". I don't want to know what's longer or fatter. Stay away.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Confirmation.Dept
Date: Jan 10, 2008 1:43 PM
Subject: Congratutlations on your Laptop Offer
Find out now how you can get a
complimentary Dell Colored Laptop.It's easy. Simply follow the
instructions on the website below:

*Notice: To obtain your gift you must participate in our
program and meet all of the offer eligibility requirements as outlined in the terms and conditions. The Prize Center is not affiliated with any of
the listed products or retailers. Trademarks, service marks, logos, and/or domain names (including, without limitation, the individual names of products and retailers) are the property of their respective owners, who have no association with or make any endorsement of the products or services provided by The Prize Center.

Congratulations on misspelling "congratulations"! And the disclaimer seems oddly well written. Spam stealing from spam! I love it. It's like when Russia and Germany fought each other.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Marissa Mcneil
Date: Jan 7, 2008 11:21 PM
Subject: The phone equals green
Improve The Flow Starting Today$15OO , $35OO and more
per week and even per day

Return some calls...10-20 per day

The subject amuses me - reminds me of that whole thing "If the door is ajar, is the window a spoon?" Ah, dated humor. Any time I see references to flow, I have to question if the context is sexual or financial. And these days, what's the difference...Folks!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: PoliceLink
Date: Jan 8, 2008 5:41 PM
Subject: PoliceLink can help you with

Get a Career in Law Enforcement* Get the special Guide
to Law Enforcement Benefits* Find over $38 million in scholarships* Don't wait
-- Get started nowFind the right program foryour future at

Wow, talk about a self-bilking concept. "We'll train you to, um, damn, well, take down illegal spammers like us! Well, just don't learn too much...."

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Top Ten Rock Artists Gone Limp

Here's my list of the top artists who just turned into milk toast, wimpy, jokers that once had a strong presence in the world of rock:

1) Sammy Hagar
What a joke. He had a promising start way, way, back in the band Montrose, then became this kindergarten "rocker" that wanted us all to be "crazy". By the early 1980s he was already belching out completely childish videos, such as the one for "I Can't Drive 55", where he wreaks havoc in the court room and tells that mean ol' judge what he thinks. This kind of stuff was already too childish to me when I first saw it - and I was 11 years old. Then he sucked all the nasty coolness out of Van Halen with more of his G rated "let's get wild" crap, only further to regress with his Just-Turned-21 tequila obsession. Not sure why he adopted the whole "Mas Tequila" persona anyway, since anyone that would find this sophomoric party mantra appealing isn't of legal age to drink.

2) Sting
He once had a slightly punkish ethos working for a while. The music from The Police didn't necessarily have to be hard rocking, or overtly abrasive, as it never really went there. But his post-Police decline into the soft pillows of elevator music, smooth jazz, and arrogant, disenfranchising forays into world music, so to speak, was simply pathetic, convenient, and self serving. Oh, but there was that whole rain forest thing. Still sucked.

3) Aerosmith
Remember when they used to play rock music? Like fast paced, driving songs? I'm not even looking that far back - hell, the "Pump" release had some great rockers on it, and that was only 1989. Then the old got older, the piss n' vinegar dissipated, and soon enough, we were hearing disgusting, sugary ballads about love and love and love. If they had the wherewithal to realize they were immersed in substance abuse, and to pull out of it, how about if they could realize they are immersed in music abuse?

4) Styx
This decline happened rather early - let's be fair though - pin this downfall on Dennis DeYoung. Once his songs, such as "Babe" charted, the flood gates were open, and even the rest of the band knew it was a death knell. After the "Paradise Theater" release, the levees could no longer hold back the sappy ballads, the goofy concept songs, and other related attempts by Dennis to be another Freddie Mercury. Which brings me to...

5) Queen
Ok, sure, I'm stepping on a grave, so to speak. Yes, the "Innuendo" release did have a rocker on it, but mostly, through the 1980s, it was mushy, radio friendly songs that catered to the aging audience that once rocked along with the band in the mid 1970s. By the late 1980s, the songs all became Freddie's dark ballads about how he's fading away. Sure, it's emotionally heavy and all, but not the music that Queen laid its foundation upon.

6) Def Leppard
Simple exercise - listen to their "Pyromania" album, then listen to "Hysteria". The band loses an arm, and loses its vinegar. The distinction between the two albums is so pronounced, one might be amazed that a mere car accident and three year hiatus could effectively castrate an entire band. The decline was further enhanced when Steve Clark died.

7) Metallica
Up through roughly 1988, Metallica had hard rocking songs that appealed to a type of secret society of followers. Then the moment had to happen - they released a video for the song "One" on MTV, and lo and behold - commercialism! The subsequent albums, while containing some slightly reminiscent sounds of the old Metallica, it wasn't the classic Metallica to which us early adopters could relate. Suddenly we started hearing more Metallica - slower, more accessible Metallica, on the radio, and while the band might deny it, the selling out had already taken place.

8) Rod Stewart
Oh, this one is too easy. By the late 1970s, he was falling into soft radio channels with "The First Cut Is The Deepest" and "Tonight's The Night" and the like. Back when he was cool, he had been with the Small Faces, belted out blues standards with the Jeff Beck Group, and had a couple brilliant solo albums in the early 1970s. After around 1975, he was another hapless victim of melancholy soul singing and pandering to middle of road music executives.

9) Pete Townshend
His last respectable effort came from the Who's "It's Hard" album. After that, he sobered up and, oops - the music turned into crap! I'm not advocating alcoholism as a means for creating brilliant music, but all of his creative energy was clearly spent, and his subsequent solo releases were sad attempts at being creative, perhaps trying to recapture the cleverness of his Lifehouse project, and simply fell flat. He was at least smart enough to render himself a museum act and try harboring The Who for some tours.

10) Cheap Trick
Though they were good for a strong power ballad or two in the past, by the time of "The Flame", their flame was certainly gone. Even their rockers were lame songs from then on. No youth to anything they created after 1987, mostly because they had no more youth.

Honorable Mention:
Heart - Fell into the 1980s synthesizer syndrome
Whitesnake - Anything after 1984 was hilarious and contrived
Van Halen - See above
Genesis - Much cooler band when Peter Gabriel was the singer. That goes way back. That should say enough.
David Bowie - His constant redefinitions often turned him into a plastic jazz singer, not his style. Some people just don't look good in red.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Spam Review #2

More spam messages - the first edition did so well, so why not!
From: Dr. Jonah Dougherty <>
Date: Dec 22, 2007 8:27 PM
Subject: Dreaming about enlarging your male
instrument size

Your girl does not want to do it with you for reason of
your instrument size. Do not panic you can solve this trouble right
now. All you have to do is just use our instrument enlargement. Your
sexual life will change sure enough.

Oh no, my instrument size! My sextant, compass, and GPS system are not big enough. How will I ever guide my schooner toward that whale I've been hunting, Jonah?

From: Orlando Suarez <>
Date: Dec 22, 2007 5:48 PM
Subject: Take the challenge

XMAS TIMEWomen like it big so make yours that way and
stuff it in :)

Now that's what I call a stocking stuffer! Thanks Orlando.

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: Denny Arnold <>
Date: Dec 18, 2007 1:13 PM
Subject: Work with us
Improve The Flow Starting Today$15OO , $35OO and more
per week and even per dayReturn some calls...10-20 per dayShare some
information. That's it

No Selling
Further Details 8OO.687.2638
Happy HolidayW Three L.L.C,P . 0 B0X One One
Five Two,P l a c e.ville, California 9 5 6 3 9.

No thanks I am Happy with what i have

Oh, this one is just hilariously shady. Any time they have to spell "PO Box" with zeroes, spell out the PO Box number with words, and space out the zip code, I'm running for the shed. And after all that typing, the advertiser decides he's Happy with what he has already, no thanks. Nice to be honest, but with all that numerological shell swapping, you'd think ol' Denny would stick it out. For shame.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Dr. Melba Dodd <>
Date: Dec 18, 2007 11:06 AM
Subject: Are you a real man?

You Dont please with your instrument size. Girls
laugh at you. Now you can to solve this trouble. Try our instrument e;nlargement
and Girls will love you promptlyI have tried! At present it is your turn to
change your sexual life.

Again with criticism of my sextant and compass! It's fine! How did you know that girls laugh at me? Just because my pants fell down during the spelling bee in 7th grade? Or is my eyebrows? Stop it! They're still laughing at me, aren't they! Oh man, you're like psychic!
Yes, now I can "to solve" this trouble. Perhaps you can "to learn" how infinitives function in correct grammar. With that pathetic writing, first graders laugh at you. I'd love for girls to love me promptly. "Be here and start lovin' me at 8 sharp, tootsie..." Prompt. Uh huh, at present it is your turn to wait in line for that Ellis Island dial-up computer connection and fix this pathetically written email.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: kendra Mobin <>
Date: Dec 23, 2007 9:13 AM
Subject: {vksksub

Don't let yourself die like a jerk! Buy our
medication and die whilehaving a fucking great sex

I swear I did not change one word of the above. Where I come from, this "medication" used to be called "blow".

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Inez Cox <>
Date: Dec 15, 2007 1:46 AM
Subject: BodypartMacroLacy


Oh no! Fat Dick Edgardo is back! He stole the wrestling title from me before!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Ralph NormN
Date: Dec 30, 2007 3:09 PM
Subject: eeragnud
Unleash the dragon in your pants with VPXL Herbal

Ironically, this was sent from Spike, the dragon in my pants. He's been locked up for a while.