Saturday, January 12, 2008

Spam Review #3

Here we go again, kids!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Dutch Gardens
Date: Jan 10, 2008 9:14 AM
Subject: Exciting New Roses for 2008!
Exciting New Roses for 2008!

Anyone who finds roses exciting really needs to just soak their face in epsom salt water and drown themselves.

Petals are a romantic shade of warm pink with a creamy
reverse. The perfume is a heady blend of traditional rose fragrance and the aroma of fruit.

Buy Now! $19.95

What the hell is a creamy reverse? Oh, this just screams of a Cinemax soft porn movie.

Luscious, rose-pink flowers are striped with ivory and
have an apple.

Buy Now! $19.95

And that would be the title of the Cinemax soft porn movie.

Collection includes 5 plants: Scentimental, Lasting
Love, Barbra Streisand, Vavoom, and Stainless Steel.

Buy Now! $84.95, 5 plants

Do I want a Streisand rose? And what the hell is a vavoom? Is Norton popping out? Stainless Steel? Works great with flowers.

Collection includes 5 plants: 1 Moonstone, 1 Gentle
Giant, 1
Ebb Tide,1 Dream Come True, and 1 Strike It Rich.

Buy Now! $84.95, 5 plants

If there are better euphemisms for sexual acts, I'd love to find them.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: GreatNewCars
Date: Jan 11, 2008 5:53 PM
Subject: Searching For a New Car?

Searching for a new car? Hell, I've had nights when I was searching for my old car.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: StudentAdvisor
Date: Jan 11, 2008 12:24 PM
Subject: mikeydhh start your education today
The next Scholarship drawing is January 15th 2008.
Have you entered yet?
You could be the next winner in the $10,000 Scholarship
Giveaway! Confirm your entry now! Use your winnings for:-

Yourself, friends, or family

Living expenses
The Student Resource Team

I'd LOVE to start my education today! Why, those 16 years I spent in school were nothing! And I love the idea of using the scholarship money for myself, friends, and family. What is this, University of Miami?! FOLKS! I can use the scratch for some cheap booze and that new car I'm supposed to be finding.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: e.Research.Council
Date: Jan 12, 2008 5:23 PM
Subject:, Feel like going out and
blowing $1000? pending participation

Just charge it. Anything you want on your $1000
Gift Card. Just click on the link below to send the credit card bills to
us. (Participation required. See below for details.)

Hell no! Not with a 10,000 dollar scholarship coming my way! Ok, maybe we'll talk. I can drop a "G" at Walmart with the best of them.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Dianne Hobbs
Date: Jan 9, 2008 12:45 AM
Subject: These work. I gained 4 inches length and 1 inch

Impress the ladies when you whip out your new improved
and larger penls

Ok, the penile enhancement spams were inevitable, they've tapered off since the holidays (such warmth). This is just inherently disturbing that the subject of this message was written by someone named "Dianne". I don't want to know what's longer or fatter. Stay away.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Confirmation.Dept
Date: Jan 10, 2008 1:43 PM
Subject: Congratutlations on your Laptop Offer
Find out now how you can get a
complimentary Dell Colored Laptop.It's easy. Simply follow the
instructions on the website below:

*Notice: To obtain your gift you must participate in our
program and meet all of the offer eligibility requirements as outlined in the terms and conditions. The Prize Center is not affiliated with any of
the listed products or retailers. Trademarks, service marks, logos, and/or domain names (including, without limitation, the individual names of products and retailers) are the property of their respective owners, who have no association with or make any endorsement of the products or services provided by The Prize Center.

Congratulations on misspelling "congratulations"! And the disclaimer seems oddly well written. Spam stealing from spam! I love it. It's like when Russia and Germany fought each other.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Marissa Mcneil
Date: Jan 7, 2008 11:21 PM
Subject: The phone equals green
Improve The Flow Starting Today$15OO , $35OO and more
per week and even per day

Return some calls...10-20 per day

The subject amuses me - reminds me of that whole thing "If the door is ajar, is the window a spoon?" Ah, dated humor. Any time I see references to flow, I have to question if the context is sexual or financial. And these days, what's the difference...Folks!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: PoliceLink
Date: Jan 8, 2008 5:41 PM
Subject: PoliceLink can help you with

Get a Career in Law Enforcement* Get the special Guide
to Law Enforcement Benefits* Find over $38 million in scholarships* Don't wait
-- Get started nowFind the right program foryour future at

Wow, talk about a self-bilking concept. "We'll train you to, um, damn, well, take down illegal spammers like us! Well, just don't learn too much...."


Anonymous said...

Hmmm, forget Babs, shouldn't it be the Bette Midler rose?

Anonymous said...

When I hear references to flow, I think "Kiss Mah Grits!" Or that Pearl Jam feminine hygiene ditty. You know the one. The one that isn't about unleashing a lion. How can I forget?