Thursday, January 03, 2008

Spam Review #2

More spam messages - the first edition did so well, so why not!
From: Dr. Jonah Dougherty <>
Date: Dec 22, 2007 8:27 PM
Subject: Dreaming about enlarging your male
instrument size

Your girl does not want to do it with you for reason of
your instrument size. Do not panic you can solve this trouble right
now. All you have to do is just use our instrument enlargement. Your
sexual life will change sure enough.

Oh no, my instrument size! My sextant, compass, and GPS system are not big enough. How will I ever guide my schooner toward that whale I've been hunting, Jonah?

From: Orlando Suarez <>
Date: Dec 22, 2007 5:48 PM
Subject: Take the challenge

XMAS TIMEWomen like it big so make yours that way and
stuff it in :)

Now that's what I call a stocking stuffer! Thanks Orlando.

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: Denny Arnold <>
Date: Dec 18, 2007 1:13 PM
Subject: Work with us
Improve The Flow Starting Today$15OO , $35OO and more
per week and even per dayReturn some calls...10-20 per dayShare some
information. That's it

No Selling
Further Details 8OO.687.2638
Happy HolidayW Three L.L.C,P . 0 B0X One One
Five Two,P l a c e.ville, California 9 5 6 3 9.

No thanks I am Happy with what i have

Oh, this one is just hilariously shady. Any time they have to spell "PO Box" with zeroes, spell out the PO Box number with words, and space out the zip code, I'm running for the shed. And after all that typing, the advertiser decides he's Happy with what he has already, no thanks. Nice to be honest, but with all that numerological shell swapping, you'd think ol' Denny would stick it out. For shame.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Dr. Melba Dodd <>
Date: Dec 18, 2007 11:06 AM
Subject: Are you a real man?

You Dont please with your instrument size. Girls
laugh at you. Now you can to solve this trouble. Try our instrument e;nlargement
and Girls will love you promptlyI have tried! At present it is your turn to
change your sexual life.

Again with criticism of my sextant and compass! It's fine! How did you know that girls laugh at me? Just because my pants fell down during the spelling bee in 7th grade? Or is my eyebrows? Stop it! They're still laughing at me, aren't they! Oh man, you're like psychic!
Yes, now I can "to solve" this trouble. Perhaps you can "to learn" how infinitives function in correct grammar. With that pathetic writing, first graders laugh at you. I'd love for girls to love me promptly. "Be here and start lovin' me at 8 sharp, tootsie..." Prompt. Uh huh, at present it is your turn to wait in line for that Ellis Island dial-up computer connection and fix this pathetically written email.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: kendra Mobin <>
Date: Dec 23, 2007 9:13 AM
Subject: {vksksub

Don't let yourself die like a jerk! Buy our
medication and die whilehaving a fucking great sex

I swear I did not change one word of the above. Where I come from, this "medication" used to be called "blow".

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Inez Cox <>
Date: Dec 15, 2007 1:46 AM
Subject: BodypartMacroLacy


Oh no! Fat Dick Edgardo is back! He stole the wrestling title from me before!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Ralph NormN
Date: Dec 30, 2007 3:09 PM
Subject: eeragnud
Unleash the dragon in your pants with VPXL Herbal

Ironically, this was sent from Spike, the dragon in my pants. He's been locked up for a while.


CresceNet said...

Gostei muito desse post e seu blog é muito interessante, vou passar por aqui sempre =) Depois dá uma passada lá no meu site, que é sobre o CresceNet, espero que goste. O endereço dele é . Um abraço.

The Vapid Voice said...

Obrigado por seus comentários. Está lucky I know Português. Alegra-me que tenha gostado meus pensamentos, mas aprender Inglês se você quiser falar com a gente.

Anonymous said...

Please tell Orlando I would prefer to stuff in a shim or some steel wool.

Anonymous said...

Yes, it was your eyebrow.

The Vapid Voice said...

Yeah, but I was much nicer to Orlando than that Russian guy. Damn you Anonymous Guy, how you make me seem so mean!

The Vapid Voice said...

And, oh Anonymous Guy, can't you consolidate your comments into a single post? Or is this some type of multiple personality thing? Food for thought. Mmmm food.

Anonymous said...


The Vapid Voice said...

Well, said, with the "bah" interjection. As I had said before, the only thing more pathetic than writing this blog is reading it. Game, set, match, ya cheese eating surrender-monkey!