Monday, July 17, 2006

TV Is Still Stupid

- Am I crazy or has there since developed a 50/50 commercial to show ratio these days? Granted, the Food Network is disproportionately commercial heavy, but now it seems like almost all the channels are leaning toward some type of 10 minute show format.

- Still like the Vonage commercials.

- Still hate the Geico commercials and that God awful gecko piece of crap. And those gay cavemen can just drop dead. Still not funny.

- ESPN has now adopted the whole "Breaking News" thing, plopping that phrase onto the bottom of the screen for anything current. No, there is no "breaking news" in sports. Breaking news is something like the World Trade Center collapsing. It is not the latest strikeout count from Roger Clemens.

- How many more channels are going to attempt their own lame version of "American Idol"? ESPN, the Food Network, etc, have all done this idiotic judge/candidate/elimination garbage and it's just not that damn interesting. I don't really give a shit who the best chef is. Mmmm I love Fannie Mae and their kitchen fresh candies. Sorry, I'm back.

- Man, even the "smart" channels, those final bastians of intelligence left on my little dial, are analyzing the Da Vinci Code as if it were fact. Attempting to track its precession, logic, etc. It's a STORY you morons. STORY.

- Somebody kill the guy. I'm not interested in hearing about these happy couples, where the guy with glasses meets the girl with the pot belly and they fall in love. Wonderful. I'd rather see a mummified ass than see some of these couples kissing on screen.

- There's a very obscure cartoon called "3 South" that's almost impossible to catch on tv. If you run across it, watch it, it's HILARIOUS.

- How far away are we from seeing an all reality channel? I'd say months. There's literally now a channel solely for babies and toddlers to watch. I'd say that's most of the channels. Reality shows were accidentally a network's golden dream - they don't have to pay for writers, they can just set up a crew and follow some morons around as they build houses, get eliminated from being the next "Gardening Idol" or bust their boyfriend for a sordid affair with the area male nun.

- Let's see, MTV isn't music television any more, VH1 never shows video hits any more, CNN doesn't show news any more. I'm waiting for the Weather Channel to start just showing programs about Armenian exhaust pipe factories.

- ESPN Classic was a great channel in showing old sporting events from the 70s and 80s. Now they're showing "Classic Boxing" from 2005. Boy those were the days.

- In the wake of the now-waning fad of the "World Series of Poker", now there is a "World Series of Darts". I'm a former serious dart player, but the whole World Series prefix seems trite and capitalistic. Here we go with the World Series of Cooking, World Series of Pool, World Series of Curling, World Series of Spelling, and the World Series of Scrabble. Count on it.

- I've given up on the Food Network. Rachael Ray, a spunky, rubenesque cooking show host with a penchant for saying the word "flavor", will have her own network show now. Do these people on the Food Network think they are really that famous? Speaking of which...

- The stupid Food Network needs to get off this Wrestlemania attitude with cooking contests. It started with the damn Iron Chef show, which pitted two chefs in some death match type arena to see who wins the battle of cooking with a particular ingredient. Now that snotty guy Bobby Flay has a new show called (get this) "Throwdown" which pits his skills in cooking against a given expert in a certain type of cuisine, be it chili, pastry, etc. Throwdown? That's a word meaning a physical fight. What's with the adversarial crap going on here? It's cooking.

"Wow, Flay really gave the challenger an uppercut by adding that sprinkle of nutmeg!"

So pathetic.

- The "Trading Spaces" cast got way too popular for a while, that's dying out finally too. Fifteen minutes are up, Genevieve.

- Hey Nick At Nite, I don't consider shows from 1999 as "Classic TV".

- That Taylor guy who won "American Idol" is doing Ford commercials already, watch this be his last foray into popularity. Soul Patrol? We're still patrolling.

1 comment:

The Vapid Voice said...

For the record, I predicted the creation of the "Fox Reality Channel" in item #9. I win again.