More Commercials!

Ben Stein for Alaska Seafood
Ok, first of all, I can't imagine any natural "shoe in" for being a representative for selling crab, but I suppose Ben Stein is as good as any. Just a generally haunting scene, as Ben sits adrift some placid, yet remote, body of water while extolling the virtues of Alaska crab and their intrepid fishermen. But when he says "so grab a fork, there's plenty more out there" he's just plain lying. The genius that wrote that line should do some reading about overfishing. How about "go ahead and kill a giant panda, there are plenty more out there..." or "go ahead and farm the amazon, there's plenty of room..." Stupid asses. I have to find out if this commercial comes from the same genius mill as...

The Cave Men!
Do I have to organize a write in campaign to have this tiresome campaign terminated? Protests? Bans? Is this what it will take? I can go there. Geico sucks with this caveman crap. I've complained before, but as long as it continues, I shall continue to complain.
Update (6/2007) : Pleeeeeeeeeeze tell me that ABC isn't really launching a TV show devoted to the cavemen. Pleeeeeeze.

Rachael Ray/Dunkin Donuts
Now Dunkin Donuts is exploiting Rachael Ray's success for radio commercials; sooner or later someone would get to her, like dogs to a carcass. The premise(s) involve Ray being too busy and "on the run" to spend much time saying anything valuable or reasonably promotional for the products in question. Surely she's too busy divorcing her cheating husband and being blandly asexual.

Cingular
Kudos to Cingular/AT&T commercials characterizing dropped calls. I love them.

Avis
They have this irritating commercial in which the customer and worker stupidly open their mouths to project segments of Twisted Sister's "I Wanna Rock". All to promote the bond previously formed with ITunes. Oooh, you're all about two years late.

US Army
To hell with this campaign. Directly targeted toward parents that don't (logically) want to send their children into the hopeless void of Iraq, and now the recruiting effort claims that the Army will make "real" people out of those that are sent to service. The commercials allege that anybody of college age that doesn't join the army is not as tough or world-ready as those that have. It's misleading advertising and it pisses me off. Don't imply that an intelligent kid will be merely trained and educated in a technical discipline when there is a desperate need for more recruits. The kids that are dumb enough to believe that they'll simply be in a computer center, performing engineering tasks, well, they deserve the consequences of joining up and believing those ridiculous commercials. Your slogan is "There is strong, and there is Army Strong". Oh don't even try. I know people that were imprisoned for years, fought and worked to support a family, battled the streets, etc, and pulled through. These people have been shot in the streets from gang battles, found jobs, raised children, and stayed alive in tough urban environments. Shove your "Army Strong" phrase; I know stronger people. Take that elitist attitude and stick it.

IPhone
Those Apple people are showing off that new IPhone and it looks sooooooo cool. Damn they done good...

Still Thinking Of A Number
That idiot from freecreditreport.com is now cocky and performing sequels, like he has established some type of fame. I know I'm not the only person that wants him disemboweled. Think of this number - the date of you being run over by a garbage truck.

Las Vegas Tourism
This whole bit about "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas..." is just stinking of infidelity, hedonism, and rampant benders. Who decided that this was a tactful campaign? Isn't it amusing that the commercials routinely employ women who are apparently married or otherwise involved with a man back home. Certainly, I'm not arbitrarily claiming that men are universally faithful, honest, or predicated toward a domestic, home-based lifestyle. Conversely, why is this tourism bureau trying to lure women (and only women) into jetting off to Las Vegas for naughty excursions, with no regard for honesty or commitment for their respective significant others? It just bespeaks of the message "Hey gals, men are slutty pigs, so get even and come to our town." Very nice message. There are many other attractive aspects of Las Vegas that can be advertised rather than this crude, R-rated pitch. Grow up, kids.

Orville Redenbacher
OH MAN - you just know I wasn't going to let this disaster escape unharmed. The geniuses over there have now created (through makeup and prosthetic magic) a newly animated Orville, long since dead. The first commercial was moronically scripted, as it ended with the fake Orville saying "or my name isn't Orville Redenbacher." Um, it isn't. So they ditched that and patched together another commercial with supposed "bloopers" that was about as funny as plant food. So they shall carry on with this horrible campaign, sans the "or my name isn't" ending. Good luck to them and their tasteless greed for reanimating poor old Orville. I liked it much more when they were playing an old commercial from 1976. Should have stuck with the classics, not a tasteless impersonation of the departed.

CIA
Are these guys done now? Have you seen these commercials, where the CIA is pitching for people to apply to their organization for job openings? Does anybody from the public sector want anything to do with something as creepy as this bunch? Promote from within, get some of those military folks who are dying (literally) to get out of Iraq.