Saturday, October 27, 2007

Relationship Injustice Part 8 - Commitment

It's funny when one ages into the infamous "thirtysomething" demographic plateau; to find that some things never change, and others tend toward premature closure, or lack thereof. I, in my middle thirties, would not be considered by the old coots as to be old, but still see those relationships, personae, and cliques, tend to find their untimely demise without anything more than a stutter and a wave of the hand from a disinterested observer. I'm now finding that marriages, those of which I stood up for or helped engender, are now dissolving into an abysmal cauldron of legal specifications, meetings, and turmoil. I, who never married, still find myself embroiled within various relationship issues, be it mere bickering, serious arguments, or legal proceedings.

I've realized that as we grow older, we don't grow wiser - we merely endure the ramifications of the misjudgements we made in the earlier years, be those years from the early twenties, mid twenties, late twenties, or early thirties. Regardless, it eventually becomes obvious that our past intentions were not long lasting, and most of the strong willed people out there take it upon themselves to resolve the imbalance and recognize that it might be time for a new phase of existence, rather than many couples who find themselves bound by their past union, offspring, and perceived "household".

I understand that it might be unfortunate to be in the mid thirties and unmarried, without a family, two car garage, picket fence, gun rack, etc; but is that any worse than those that married at 22, are bound to the family, and only feeling as such out of obligation? Hey, I can't count how many times I've heard males/females who married young, saying "hey, I love my kids...they are my world..." Hey fine, but never anything about the spouse - or general happiness. It is then when I realized that there is a single form of energy put forth by, say, a guy. In bachelor days, this energy goes toward finding a hot girl, then it's toward a wife - but then it's expended toward the children - and that defines the proverbial icebox under the bed once a couple had been married 10 or 15 years. Just like classic rock bands, once they lose that pervasive venom, all becomes, well, gray.

Marriage and settling down is certainly the ideal for any couple. Some couples are destined for each other, and one of the pair might have already been committed to marital vows. I'll divulge a personal scar by saying that the greatest girls in my experience were those that were already obligated to another. At times, I am sure they might have soured at the notion of committing too soon. I wish they hadn't, but it taught me a lesson in being sure who one should devote a future to, and the importance of the true meaning of commitment. I've heard the "if I weren't married..." phrase all too often, from people that just were purely wonderful partners in crime, so to speak. Too easy to be afraid of anything - guys don't fear commitment - people do.


Wendi Manning said...

You forgot to add the people who use commitment as a shield against all that they just are too afraid to deal with. There are a lot of those too.

Anonymous said...

I think the marriage of chocolate and peanut butter always works. As for kids, I like to drop them off at the pool.