Sunday, May 18, 2008

Some Top Ten Lists

Ok, I used to write these a lot, so for lack of anything else to contribute, I figured I'd throw a few together.

Top Ten Sitcom References That Sound Like 1960s Pink Floyd Song Titles

10. Florence, Get The Door!
9. Meathead
8. One of these days, one of these days... (oops already used)
7. Joanie's First Date

6. The X-Rated Reuben Sandwich
5. Squiggy's Ice Cream Truck
4. Corporal Klinger
3. Alice's Secret Recipe
2. The Venus Flytrap
1. Ward Cleaver's Psychedelic Breakfast

Top Ten Things I've Done That Sound Like Frank Zappa Song Titles

10. Pizza With Frank
9. Garage Farting, Part One
8. The Adventures Of The Uncooperative Weed Wacker
7. Lima Bean Orgy
6. Armpits On Fire!
5. New Uses For Ham
4. Dreaming Of Breakfast
3. There's A Guy Stuck In My Window
2. Sex For The Pope
1. Questionable Beef

Top Ten Sexual Sounding Computer Related Phrases

10. Hard Reboot
9. Pop Up
8. She gave me a virus
7. I'm uploading
6. I just Googled her
5. Can you give me a laptop?
4. Fix my mouse
3. I just Cc'd you...
2. Log in - and we'll play
1. Hotmail

Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear On The Bus

10. "Damn, where'd the snake go..."
9. "I have an odd bus fetish."
8. "Go ahead kids, run around and talk to everyone else."
7. "Where's the fire extinguisher?"
6. "Ma'am, can you please support our youth group by purchasing this candy..."
5. "Wow, I'm having a really farty day today."
4. "Hey buddy, ever hear about the history of transportation? Got a minute?"
3. "Next stop, the dilapidated public high school in the crappy neighborhood."
2. "Sir, can you scratch this for me?"
1. "Mind if I sit on your lap?"

(The following sounds just like a Letterman list, but actually I just rattled this one off...)

Top Ten Failed Wendy's Products

10. The Kaspar Weinburger
9. Chili Cromartie
8. Fat n' Frosty
7. Hamburglar's Testicle Funwich
6. The Dave Thomas Cremato Soup
5. Flinch Flies
4. Potato & Hearing Aid Stew
3. Vegetarian All Soy Feltburger
2. Monterey Jack's Mystery Cheese Surprise
1. Cup O' Steam

Top Ten Things I Love About Chicago

10. The fresh scent of August flooding
9. Following the progress of decade-long construction projects
8. Surveying the beautiful battleship-gray sky on a summer day
7. Pothole dodging
6. Recreational dips into Lake Michigan's 44 degree water
5. Quick, 3 hour trips to local concert venues
4. Riverboats - on fake rivers!
3. Affordable property, and low taxes!
2. Three words : Sears, sears, sears!
1. Seeing fat people on 98 degree days

1 comment:

Fagedaboudit said...

Don't forget the only sources of free parking in the city:
The Edens
The Kennedy
The Eisenhower
The Stevenson
The Dan Ryan

There are more but these are the most consistent and convenient!