Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Fun With Phobias

During a recent discussion with a friend, she mentioned a fear of bread, and as such, I wondered if such a phobia existed. In a sense, it did, and as the exploration grew stranger, I decided to explore the world of phobias. Here are some that I found which might be amusing, if it weren't for the sad truth that they are actually real phobias. For the record, I'm skipping over the more common ones, like fear of heights, enclosed spaces, the number thirteen, spiders, etc. So there.

Agoraphobia - Fear of open spaces or crowds.
Ok, I'll give ya this one.

Koinoniphobia - Fear of rooms.
Go trade places with the agoraphobics.


Amaxophobia - Fear of riding in a car.
Depends on who's driving.

Barophobia - Fear of gravity.
Oh come on, go take a space walk, Buzz.

Bibliophobia - Fear of books.
Sounds like every drunken college student. Folks!

Scolionophobia - Fear of school.
Toga! Ibid.

Cacophobia - Fear of ugliness.
After a few drinks, this fear disappears.

Chromophobia - Fear of colors.
I think the Klan owns this one. It's not quite a black and white issue. Hoo! Jeez, without colors, that only leaves black and white, I suppose.

Leukophobia - Fear of the color white.
Oh, man! After the chromophobes have their way, and now these leukophobes, all that's left is black.

Melanophobia - Fear of the color black.
Nooooooo!

Coulrophobia - Fear of clowns.
Ok, clowns are just inherently creepy. I don't disagree with this one at all. They make kids cry, parents rage, and elephants poop.

Dystychiphobia - Fear of accidents.
Oh, how irrational! Who doesn't love accidents?

Ephebiphobia - Fear of teenagers.
There they are - off in the corner - plottin' and schemin'. With their backward hats, breakdancing, boom boxes and Foghat records. Ya blasted punks!

Genuphobia - Fear of knees.
Oh come on now. Except for the occasional double amputee, there's no escaping this one. How can one be afraid of something that comprises the body? What next, fear of feet?

Podophobia - Fear of feet.
Ok, I had to see it coming.

Obesophobia - Fear of gaining weight.
So what, you end up being shaped like a figure 8.

Octophobia - Fear of the figure 8.
Damn, you be harsh!

Phobophobia - Fear of phobias.
Ok, this one fascinates me. If you are afraid of being afraid, then you're always going to be afraid. Too much for me to process.

Venustraphobia - Fear of beautiful women.
Wow, that would not be good for those eligible bachelors.

Gynophobia - Fear of women.
Forget it, then you're either a nerdy misanthrope or are gay as a French horn. Then again, the "festive" types love hanging with the chicks, so who knows. I'll just stick with the "nerdy misanthrope" zinger.

Porphyrophobia - Fear of the color purple.
Hated that movie anyway.

Technophobia - Fear of technology.
Who let the Amish out! Whoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Who let the Amish out!

Cyberphobia - Fear of computers.
Couldn't they just lump this under technophobia?

Chronomentrophobia - Fear of clocks.
Hey what time is it. I need a WATCH. No, a watch, a sundial, or a long stick. Not a clock.

Botanophobia - Fear of plants.
I can understand this one. I think it was either "The Carol Burnett Show" or an old "Monty Python" skit where a plant ended up attacking someone, and I was oddly scared of any tall plant for quite a while. At least I wasn't afraid of, I dunno, ferns.

Pteridophobia - Fear of ferns.
Of course there's one in every bunch.

Dendrophobia - Fear of trees.
I'm sure the "Wizard of Oz" movie helped kick this one into high gear amongst the phobic...

And under the "duh" category...
Nosocomephobia - Fear of hospitals.
Lilapsophobia - Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.
Dentophobia - Fear of dentists.
Agliophobia - Fear of pain.
Catagelophobia - Fear of being ridiculed.
Pathophobia - Fear of disease.
Necrophobia - Fear of death or dead things.


Mageirocophobia - Fear of cooking.
(Insert typical blue collar husband voice) "Well the little lady must have this phobia!! Hoo hoo!"
Microphobia - Fear of small things.
Then the "little lady" responds with her microphobia. The husband and wife get into a fight, which leads to her leaving him, and thus incites...
Ataxophobia - Fear of disorder or untidiness.
and
Autophobia - Fear of being alone.
Clearly the guy had...
Gamophobia - Fear of marriage.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey,Coulrophobia is a bitch...especially when it's an Evil Clown! And a fear of bread is perfectly rational... not like a fear of knees.

Anonymous said...

I am afraid of Peter Francis Geraci.

ellie said...

I like your take on this babe.
And what about chionophobia - fear of snow. Cmon, you got to have seasons. Go build a snowman and see the fun you're missing.
And geliophobia - fear of laughter. Ok folks, lighten up! Can't imagine a day without laughter.

Georgia said...

Can't believe you remembered our conversation! I'm so glad you're thinking of me! Miss you!

Fagedaboudit said...

Snow? I don't fear it. I hate it! For the next seaxon I'm buying a flame thrower! I never shovel again.

ellie said...

Another amusing one is heliophobia - fear of the sun. But how can you not take to the golden sun and its warmth as it gleams through your window on a cool Sunday afternoon. The sun may follow you wherever you go, or you can choose to leave it behind you. It will not always be there on days you're looking for it, and it might surprise you when you're not looking.
Also verbophobia - fear of words.
What a waste, people wouldn't be able to express themselves above the ordinary like you have done with me in the past. Miss ya to "pieces"...

The Vapid Voice said...

I'll respond in sequence.

1. If fear of bread is rational, then fear of Peter Francis Geraci is rational.

2. Damn.

3. I drive a very light car. Anything frozen on the road will kill me while driving. And to hell with the snowman. I thought he got busted. Folks! I'm on fire. No really, I'm on fire. I need water! Crap, it's a grease fire...ok sand! Why am I typing while on fire?

4. Thanks for the nice words, girl.

5. Seaxon? I agree. Flame on.

6. What the hell was that? Sheesh, stick to the low grade acid! Now the sun's following me too? Oh man, here we go, I knew it was stalking me all along. Firing its evil skin cancer radiation stuff at me - get away from me sun!

The Vapid Voice said...

And yes, for the incredibly circumspicious, I did use the "on fire" joke in another posting.

Fagedaboutit said...

Seaxon n. Oxy speak for Season.

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