Thursday, March 13, 2008

Spam Review #8

These will be mostly just catty one-liners, but I'm just trying to get to ten of these articles...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: The HudForeclosed Team <>
Date: Mar 12, 2008 1:51 PM
Subject: Looking for Foreclosures?

No, I'm actually looking for FIVE closures! Folks! (cue the Muppet orchestra)

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Great Stuff from Reunion>
Date: Mar 13, 2008 2:20 AM
Subject: Are old friends looking for you?

No, the really old friends are looking for their homes and long-deceased pets. That's a tasteless Alzheimer's joke for those that aren't following along.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Christian Debt Removers Center <>
Date: 12 Mar 2008 18:12:21 -0300
Subject: Stop creditor phone call

Oh thank you so much! I had been dreading that one creditor phone call.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: LottoPrizeNetwork Update>
Date: Mar 12, 2008 1:34 PM
Subject: Scratch and Win Instant Game

Oh, I scratched and scratched and scratched. Up here, down there, you name it. No instant game. Whatta scam.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Davison Inventions Select <>
Date: Mar 12, 2008 1:23 PM
Subject: Start Your Idea Today.

We have over 240 Inventionmen(TM) who are waiting to
work on your product idea. Click Here to Submit your Idea

Ok, my idea is for a procrastination machine. I'll start that idea tomorrow. Folks! (Cue Muppet music again) Are your 240 Inventionmen (TM) really inventor types if they're just waiting for a poor shmuck's new idea? I would call your Inventionmen (TM) Ripoffmen.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Today from LifeLock <>
Date: Mar 12, 2008 1:00 PM
Subject: Your Identity is priceless. Do you have protection for it?

Close. My identity is worthless. Do you have protection against it? Ya better, Zippy.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: GroupLottoPromoOffers>
Date: Mar 12, 2008 4:03 AM
Subject: ^FNAME^, is there cash waiting for you?

^INCOMPETENTMAILMERGEIDIOT^, is there training waiting for you?

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Christian Living Ministry <>
Date: Mar 11, 2008 9:53 PM
Subject: You could get access to Multi-Media Bible Narations

And you can get access to various spell-checking tools. And God said, "Let there be literacy."

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: 411TaxRelief Solutions <>
Date: Mar 11, 2008 9:13 AM
Subject: Have you received an IRS Letter?

You Could Settle Tax Debt before 2008
The IRS could increase collection efforts in 2008.
You could settle your back taxes in the new year

This was sent in March of 2008. Anyway, yes I've gotten an IRS letter - I got the "I". Now all I need is the "R" and "S" and whoopie!! Gotta keep checking my bottle caps.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: KaplanUniversity Next Level <>
Date: 10 Mar 2008 18:07:45 -0300
Subject: Which schools could offer you financial aid in 2008?

Which schools can notice that it's already 2008?

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: From Mate1 <>
Date: Mar 12, 2008 9:31 PM
Subject: Firstname, annoyed of meeting people at the bar

Oh, I am a very grateful Firstname. I keep looking for girls in that crazy bar scene and end up with unexpected people named "Bill" around. I'm tired of them.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Women Cash Alliance <>
Date: 12 Mar 2008 22:18:22 -0300
Subject: Unexpected Bills? We Could help!

Oh thank you!


Fagedaboudit said...

11:27 AM? Did you get religion or something?

The Vapid Voice said...

Did I get religion? Wha wha huh? No I probably posted this from Australia. So since I likely posted this tomorrow, you'll see the reply today, and I'll check for responses yesterday. Oh wacky time zone jokes! They, and slide whistles, are just never unfunny.

Fagedaboudit said...

That's great since I'm not going to read this untill the day after tomorrow anyway.
Remember, never put off yesterday that which you can do the day before!
Today is the last day of your past. What are you not doing with it? (wide open on this one)

Notebooks said...

Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Notebook, I hope you enjoy. The address is A hug.

The Vapid Voice said...

To "fagedaboudit", don't bother reading this response tomorrow, as if you read it then, you'll be forced to acknowledge that you read it today, which is tomorrow.
Remember, today is the first day of the rest of your life, but yesterday sucks. Oh hell, bite me.

To the Notebook guy:
I went to your blog, it was all in Portugese. You had pictures though. Thanks for adding me to the blogroll, whatever the hell that is. Too lazy to translate the language. I'm old and pathetic. You guys, south of the equator, with your toilets flushing the other way! Wacky. I love fish. Mmmm fish.

Fagedaboudit said...

Having trouble with the time shifting?
Take a couple of Oxys, then you won't care!

The Vapid Voice said...

I already don't care, but I'll take that under advisement, Mr. Limbaugh.

fagedaboudit said...

hubble mumble hubris

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Sorry for offtopic