Thursday, September 14, 2006

TV Show Observations Part One

- Why do crappy shows like "Full House" and "Saved By The Bell" have the token athletic episode where one of the principal characters is in a big game/match? WORST of all, it's invariably broadcast, play by play, on radio. Who the hell is listening? AC Slater's wrestling match? On radio? The Fresh Prince scoring 1000 points? Joey Gladstone playing league hockey? On radio? Please.

- Why do relatives always burst in to "surprise" the main characters? "I thought I would surprise you!" Hilarity ensues.

- In MASH, who exactly was the guy that made all the announcements over the camp's P.A. system? We never saw him.

- In Full House, Jesse (played by John Stamos) is Greek and clearly with jet black hair and dark features. He is the brother of the late wife of Bob Saget's character. All of the offspring are bright blonde and with light features. Huh?

- I complain about reality shows these days, but I shouldn't. It's proof that the viewing audience at least insists on legitimacy. How stupid were people in the 1970s? Fantasy Island? The Bionic Woman/Six Million Dollar Man? Incredible Hulk? These shows all were way too long, stupid, and beyond the scope of realism. And why were all these shows an hour long, with has-been "guest stars" that we all knew were simply typecast as Carol Brady, The Hollywood Squares People, the Dorito Guy, Klinger, Barney Miller, and Reuben?

- Ever notice that every white character injected into "The Cosby Show" was stupid? Even the kids. The token whites, that occasionally might be lingering around a wealthy neighborhood. Cosby's spiteful portrayals in this show sucked all the credibility out of his preachy essence.
And could the mother in that show be any more condescending? I hated her with a passion.

- Norman Lear, much like Cosby, tried portraying a stupid white guy; in this case, Archie Bunker. Everyone loved Archie's quips and for all the reasons that contradicted Lear's guilt based intentions. Oops.

- Three's Company was a great show. It gave kids my age (at the time) lots and lots of fantasies.

- Why were the six main characters of "Saved By The Bell" always the leaders of every club/team/organization/uprising? Did anyone at Bayside find fault with this? Why did Slater's wrestling matches require a cheerleading squad? Of two? Yes, Kelly and Lisa, from the main group. Anybody remember that a significant love interest of Screech's was portrayed by Tori Spelling? That's a shame. Mister Belding was quite a card, though.

- Happy Days... oh man, who though Fonzie was actually cool? Winkler couldn't even ride a motorcycle in real life. Plus he was really old already. Too wholesome a show. All these fights between a character and a bad guy were in the offing, and they'd always be resolved by Fonzie's appearance and his stupid banging of the fist on something. Oh and that harsh language... "Sit on It". Wow, I've seen more ribald aphorisms in the book of Exodus.
Fine, Richie got drunk once, and eventually Joanie started being rebellious, but otherwise the show was almost as flavorless as "Leave It To Beaver".

- Forget about Roseanne. Boy did she drive that show into the ground. Not worth the extraneous typing.

- I'm tired of Cosby's jazz fetish.

- Who decided that "Hogan's Heroes" would be a funny show, given the setting in a Nazi prison camp? How about a new show set at a gas chamber? "Oops we gave him helium first..." (prisoner screams, in a cartoon high voice) "Help meeeeee!" Ok that's funny.

- Why were all the "detectives" on "Barney Miller" always chasing down petty thieves and similar miscreants? Any police officers around the old one-two?

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