Friday, February 08, 2008

Spam Review #4

More stuff from the world of spam emails. This stuff just writes itself.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Sven Uhler <>
Date: Feb 6, 2008 2:04 PM
Subject: The trophy can now be in your pants...

Lost your college sweetheart to the quarterback? Get her
back with this.

Hey, I lost my college sweetheart to an out of control cement truck on an icy road. What shall I use to get her back? Black magick? Raising the spirits? C'mon, Sven, that quarterback is married and in a nice house. And for the record, I actually have put trophies in my pants. I shouldn't mention that. Ah the sensation of cold brass...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Daan fromich <>
Date: Feb 6, 2008 7:19 AM
Subject: Your most magnificent toy ever, unleashed
amongst women with a vengeance.

Never invited to the after-party party? Here's your
invitation card.

Whoo hoo! I get to unleash my remote controlled BatCopter that I got when I was a kid!
I just knew this would get me into the after-party party. Now I have to think about a new toy to get me into the after-party after-party party. Maybe my old Thundershift 500 racing game. That rocked. Then again, I could part with my Toss Across.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Dr Tabitha Sims <>
Date: Feb 6, 2008 4:32 AM
Subject: It's important

Make your mistress satisfied!
You dont know what to
do? It's easy :)
More info you can read here:
Have a hot nights!

Oh sure, Tabitha, bust me on my mistress. How ever did you find out? It's like you have a telescope aimed right at my penthouse. Should I be wary of the fact that this impending satisfaction involves going to a link that has the word "grave" in it? I will have "a hot nights". You have a good days too. Moron. Bad Tabitha, bad.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Mirja Yaria <>
Date: Feb 7, 2008 8:43 AM
Subject: Hidden in your pants is a A Hollywood Story
that's incredibly huge...

Yes, it's true. In my back pocket I have the script I wrote for the docudrama about the rise and fall of Jack Klugman. The women, the bad "Odd Couple" era, his estrangement from Brett Summers, the hopeless addiction to mustard, it's all in there. And you can't have it. This is a blockbuster. Or ball buster, as it were. Big fonts too. It'll sell.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Doctor Ruby Cherry <>
Date: Feb 7, 2008 2:10 AM
Subject: Enormous male device is a dream of every wife

Yeah, it's called a Ferrari.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: dino frog <>
Date: Feb 5, 2008 8:21 PM
Subject: Fw:

"Before I was always embarrassed, but now when I go workout or even just take a shower I feel really proud. For real, ManSter has
turned my life around. I'm amazed that a little pill can do all

I'd be embarrassed to have the name "Dino Frog". ManSter? That online music service? Hey, anything to get your shower pride back to normal.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: True WebDeals
Date: Feb 3, 2008 9:20 AM
Subject: Feeling Lonely? You could Find Love!

Firstname, someone really wants to meet you!There's someone from
that could be a great match .
Click now for a quick match -

Oh thank you! I've been looking for someone to scream my name out in bed on a nightly basis. Oh Firstname! Give it to me Firstname!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Coney Monaghan
Date: Feb 3, 2008 3:04 PM
Subject: Release all your inner frustration!

Everything can GROW - here is how!

Oh thank you thank you thank you Coney! My tulips in the front yard are just not growing. This has been so frustrating! You're like that well-timed John Denver song that just makes all my problems and frustrations disappear like a fart in the wind. Bless you, Coney!


Fagedaboutit said...

The original sense (canned ham) is a proprietary name registered by Geo. A. Hormel & Co. in U.S., 1937. It is presumed to be a conflation of spiced ham but was soon extended to other kinds of canned meat.

The use for unsolicited and unwanted email derives from a Monty Python sketch (Flying Circus, Episode 25). In the 1970 sketch, a restaurant's menu has many items with spam, and it includes Vikings who would not stop singing the word. See Spam. The earliest recorded real-life use for this sense occurs around 1993 (e.g. see [this link:[1] which finds reference in an email - at [2] - dated March 31 1993)

The term appears to have been used earlier in a different sense in relation to "Multi-User Dungeons" (MUDs), a form of multi-user computer environnment before widespread use of the Internet, in the 1980's. See [3] for details.

The Vapid Voice said...

Guess you didn't have plans this Friday night/Saturday morning.

Yes, back in the 80s, people would repeatedly type quotes from that Monty Python Spam skit just to drive certain people out of chat rooms. It caught on, and the command "SPAM them!" was the battle cry for driving away unwanted chat room visitors. Those same early internet folks started using the term for those that posted too many repetitive messages on a news group, as it was similar in concept. From there, the term was adopted to emails as well. But the term already was in "the underground" in the late 1980s. I was already seeing it back then, though I happily was not a "MUD" user or anything geeky.

Thank you for your contribution. Bill Wendell, please give this nice person two t-shirts. (Very obscure Larry Bud Melman/Letterman reference)

Anonymous said...

Alright, boys, take off your Dr. Who scarves now.

The Vapid Voice said...

Oh, bite me! For the record, I have never, ever, ever seen an episode of Dr. Who, and shall not be associated to that crowd. No sci-fi here, period. Never did, never would, not that it's a bad label to brandish, just not me. I know my internet history, so there. I poop on you. Dr. Who... puh-leeze.

fagedaboudit said...

Dr. Who?
The only Dr. Who fans I've ever encountered are also those freaky, real life challenged D&D (Dungeons & Dragons) losers!
To a single man, (I have never met a female D&D fan), conversations with these deeply disturbed, (people?), has led me to wonder if they have real dungeons in their basements!
There is no known help for these defectives.
I'm wondering if Anonymous is a scientologist. That's right, I didn't capitalize the name. It's credibility mandates it.
Anyway, a note to the author; There are 2 worthy titles in sci-fi to check out. Blade Runner and 2001.
The latter, a masterpiece made in the 60's stands up even today with only 2 or 3 technical errors. Although it can be a little boring to those who require a fair anount of dialog or action.
The rest of it? Well, it is what it is; junk or fantasies aimed at children regardless of their chronological age.