Sunday, February 10, 2008

Spam Review #5

More from the email world...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Joy florimonte <ecitassi1976@lacerta.com>
Date: Feb 7, 2008 6:29 PM
Subject: Click here for an all-new Growth
experience.

It's going to be a bumpy night, tell her to buckle down
for the ride of her life


Funny, I told her that a couple months ago when we were about to hit a lot of potholes with my Mustang. It had bad struts.




---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Brain Cormier <xcbkmbllwyz@yahoo.se>
Date: Feb 6, 2008 4:53 PM
Subject: Stay home and use the phone

Do you have a telephone? Can you return calls to people who are waiting to hear from you? If you do and would like to be your own B0SS and create a great living for you and your family then go to that phone and call us now.

Yes, no, and I won't.




---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Dutch Gardens <dutchgardens@e-news.dutchgardens.com>
Date: Feb 1, 2008 9:04 AM
Subject: Great Perennials for Shady Spots!


Oh, don't get me started about the shady spots I've been to. Warm beer, creepy people, bad pool table. Never could be sure how they stayed in business.

MAKE A SHADY AREA COME ALIVE WITH COLOR

Those same shady spots were rather racist.

JAPANESE JACK IN THE PULPIT

I just knew that Jack the Preacher was doing something suspicious during his sermons. Must've been the altar boys again...

Opt for something totally different with this strikingly
beautiful-and highly visible-perennial. Blooms are an unmistakable sight: a smoky-purple base, snow-white cup and large hood with purple, green and white stripes.


Ick, smokey purple base. Now Jack is getting too graphic.

FESTIVA MAXIMA DOUBLE PEONY
Petal-packed blooms have a lovely fragrance.
Carefree, long-lived plant rarely requires division; grows 24 to 30 inches tall.

Buy Now! $10.95


Reminded me of my funny moment when someone was showing off her peonies. She said "peonies". I said, "will do!" and opened up the hose. Never saw her again.

POKER PRIMROSE
Dazzling and different late-spring bloomer!


Annie Duke?

DOUBLE SCOTCH HEATHER
Vibrant-pink, fully double flowers cover each stem for
weeks in late summer. Buy Now!



Oh, I remember "Double Scotch Heather". That's all it took to get her rocked, then game on!


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Magic Bouillion <orientalises@biovision.org>
Date: Jan 31, 2008 12:29 AM
Subject: skiver

Hoi,

Downloadablee Softwware

Down to the river but my reckonings were bad. 'we desire to hear from thee the mysteries of a life of domesticity. do thou listen
to me with jury ought to see the original. instead of the georgia without waiting for all the southern states, & other places later & we are
booked for munich be affected but i found that this depends upon this suspicion seems unfounded, because guillaume could happen, in case his father chanc'd to dye, mention it, said acton, cheerfully.

sorry i upset.


This one is too weird to even dissect. Something about the south, Germany, and the guy that played "Benson". Pass. Sorry you upset too. Spam on.


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: goober vester <-hansh@7-10.com>
Date: Jan 31, 2008 4:15 PM
Subject: Re:Make use of our cut rates here and now!


I do not respond to people named "Goober".


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Find The Right Design School Authority
<
FindTheRightDesignSchoolAuthority@bulletinborders.com>
Date: Jan 27, 2008 10:18 PM
Subject: Turn your talent for fashion into a
career



Well, I'm honored! You know my fashion sense by now. T-shirt, jeans. T-shirt, jeans. T-shirt, jeans. T-shirt, shorts (summer season), T-shirt, jeans.


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: oejsnarb <oejsnarbpcdrm@bialy-berlin.de>
Date: Jan 23, 2008 9:57 PM
Subject: obmub

http://www.notmebrs.com/

It felt like heaven when Paul entered me, he was so much
bigger now


Can't you even get verb tense correct? He was so much bigger now? Is that like the song "I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now"? Paul probably talks to you in sign language. Hey, maybe you're that deaf Linda character from the old "Sesame Street" shows! Did you dump Louise? He had that nice fix-it shop. Did you ever do Hooper? Yeah, don't lie.


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: MilitarydotcomOfferAuthority <MilitarydotcomOfferAuthority@grtsextnsgroup.com>
Date: Jan 23, 2008 4:40 AM
Subject: The Insider's Guide to GI Bill
Benefits

Can't See This Email?



I love these. If I can't see the email, why ask? I wouldn't be seeing the question. Friggin' morons.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

A large hood? Jack is one of those anti-circumcision zealots.

Robbie Zimmerman said...

The Dylan song is "My Back Pages."

The Vapid Voice said...

Always has to be some kid in the back of the class...