Spam Review #6

Why Not...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: amelie LOCO
<amelie-chefaerz@abanc.org>
Date: Feb 11, 2008 10:34 AM
Subject: I heard John had to stop taking those capsules because he became too large, and his girlfriend complained it hurt

I heard John was a sadistic bastard that liked to make her hurt. I also heard he was an unsavory character that was into playing the ponies. Bad day at the track...hurt the girlfriend. Oh, those capsules aren't going anywhere. He threatens her - "You keep complaining, I'm gonna take a capsule! Don't make me take capsule. It's just abusive over there. He was banging on her mobile home one night, "Here come the capsules! I got you now woman!" Bad scene. Don't even ask about when she made the wrong flavor of Jello.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: glenn Dyer <glenn-keohrevo@504hq.com>
Date: Feb 9, 2008 2:18 PM
Subject: Be the King of the bedroom with your new sceptre

Being normal is not good enough, you need a bigger d1ck

I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE! Do not ignore my sceptre! I will strike you down!
The bedroom is my domain! Do not disobey the sceptre!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Bogosh Haslett <linguistical@cvsrd.org>
Date: Feb 10, 2008 6:06 PM
Subject: greenishness

Ni hao,

Are you a frrequent visitor of retaill softwarre stores?
We know what you're oveerpaying for:- box manuffacturing- CD- sallesperson salary- RRent of shop sppace- Yeear-to-year
increasiing taxes in your ccountry

Well, what for ?! You're able to downnload everythiing
legally NOW! Fabbulous range of softwarre and LOW prices will make you smile and save your money!

Of it except those holy cross fellas. They came for him
not at all. The princess found cranley intercourse with thefamily of my host, before as also his two parshni drivers. the valiant kripa had dictated, commanded his servant, saying, 'letwhere his mind would not be distracted from his the total the fact that through ill health on existence of an objective world is denied in the the way he beheld a vulture hugeas a mountain, brave and high souled warriors, swords and shields, the science of arms. And he was of wonderful deeds principal part of each day's food which is supplied
vaisampayana said, 'thus addressed by the brahmanas, (brahman) created dharma for the advancement and came after. Maybe he has been here. I don't know..

Oh no, Bogosh hasn't taken his multiple personality disorder pills again. There's Bogosh the (sic) softwarre peddlerr, with hhis tenndency to ttype ddouble connsonants. Then clearly we heard from Bogosh the channeler of great warriors from ages past. And poor alternate Bogosh can't even be sure if he knows, with his closing statement.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: cord hiroshi <_n_e@abccoke.com>
Date: Feb 11, 2008 7:39 PM
Subject: Re:

Get our present for your feeling well!!!

Based on the domain name of this email address, I think I'll pass. I don't want any such present. Bob Denver went down from something similar in the mail once.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: The CreditLine4You Center <TheCreditLine4YouCenter@hightell.com>
Date: Feb 11, 2008 10:31 PM
Subject: We may help you to get an unsecured card

Sure, unsecured. Yeah I hear ya. Who's the identity theft victim? Thank God this isn't one of those insecure cards. Man, what a battle keeping that insecure card quiet. I'd whip it out, and it would say "Oh sure, you just use me whenever you want, I'm not worth anything but gas to you?" It was too insecure. Needed too much coddling.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From:
Glenna Hamalainen <erlaufen1971@advantageci.com>
Date: Feb 9, 2008 8:48 AM
Subject: A couple of inches
never hurt anyone

A couple of inches never hurt anyone

Yeah, right; say that to the truck driver that got stuck under the thirteen foot underpass on Cicero Avenue the other day. He was just a couple of inches too tall. Took him hours to get his too-tall-truck out from under that bridge. Poor guy. Just a couple inches.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: austen
paula <_mauricio@aaaamerican.com>
Date: 2008/2/10
Subject: Re: Eine friedliche
Stimmung beherrschte ganz und gar die ?

ffentliche Meinung in Russland. Man verd?chtigte aber
den Zaren, er besch?ftige sich auch weiterhin mit Kriegspl?nen. Allerlei
Beschwerden gegen den Kaiser und insbesondere gegen Czartoryski wurden laut und
lauter. Der ?sterreichische Botschafter in Petersburg,

Yeah well Colonel Klink, or whoever you saw you are, I know your schemes. I will just say:
"Sie können weiter gehen und reden über Russland. Bleiben Sie weg von uns in Amerika, die Sie imperialen Diebe! Andernfalls werde ich John und seine Kapseln, mit Bogosh und seine magische Schwert-Attacke auf Ihr Reich."

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Hear it first from Free Card Search HearitfirstfromFreeCardSearch@superunusual.com>
Date: Feb 10, 2008 6:23 AM
Subject: Get a Brand Spanking new credit card

If I can buy spankings with this card, consider me in!

Want more information on our cookie policy? Just click
here!

No, I heard enough about your cookie policy. No thin mints, no oatmeal cookies, I don't like it. You're lucky you let chocolate chip cookies slide.

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: Gardeners Supply <gardeners@e-news.gardeners.com>
Date: Feb 5, 2008 9:32 AM
Subject: The World's Most Earth-Friendly Pots

The World's Most Earth-Friendly Pots

Pots, huh? Ya sure there's an S at the end of "Pots"? Riiiiiight.

COWPOTS
Biodegradable, Eco-Friendly Cowpots for Transplants.
Buy Now! $10.95

Ok, this is just cow poop, isn't it. Fine, I'm in. Everyone can use poop.

***A NEW WAY TO GROW TOMATOES

A Revolutionary Planter for Tomatoes

Homegrown tomatoes at your fingertips! Hanging
planter reduces pests and diseases to ensure great crops.
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$19.95

My planter was such a nice guy. He watered the vegetables daily. Now I have to hang him? Poor guy. Time to get the rope.

***OUR BESTSELLING SPRING PRODUCTS

TOMATO SUCCESS KIT

All-in-One Kit Grows More Sweet, Juicy Tomatoes with
Less Work.
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The follow-up to Guns n' Roses' "Chinese Democracy" : "Tomato Success"!

DELUXE RAIN BARREL
Deluxe Rain Barrel Holds 75 Gallons.
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$139.00

Sounds like a Kentucky Urinal to me.

BRUSHED STAINLESS STEEL COMPOST PAIL

Brushed Stainless Steel Compost Pail Keeps It Simple.
Buy Now! $19.95

Sounds like a Kentucky Porta Potty to me.

SOAPSTONE BOX WITH TWO FRUIT FLY TRAPS
A Natural Solution for Pesky Fruit Flies.
Buy Now! $26.95

I want a natural solution for pesky telemarketers. Make me a plant for that one.

COLORFUL TUBTRUG

Rugged Tubs are a Gardener's Best Friend.
Buy Now! $16.95

Is this like that "cunning stunt" joke? I think they'd prefer Tugged Rubs.

***SALE ITEMS

5-POSITION FLOOR LOUNGER
Just $42.99

Yeah, I remember when this was called a beanbag chair.

***SUCCESS STORY

Learn How This Gardner Stars His Seeds in 22 APS Kits.

It's the Battle of the Network Seed Stars! Watch them in the obstacle course.

***BRING NATURE INDOORS

You mean "grow weed in your basement".

WET POTS
Buy Now! $44.99

I see plenty wet toilet seats when I have to drop a deuce at the bus station.

PHC FOR SEEDLINGS
Buy Now! $5.95

Again, don't you mean "THC from seedlings"?

PLANT STAND TRIO
Buy Now! $129.00

I heard Robert Plant can't stand Trio. You know, that "Da Da Da" band.

NATURAL FERTILIZERS
Buy Now! $6.95

Oh I don't want this shipment. Speaking of which, I'm about to make a shipment myself. That's a "take a dump" joke for the uninitiated.