Sunday, June 01, 2008

Cooking Shows That Annoy The Hell Out of Me

- Chef At Home - Discovery Home Channel
Some Canadian bozo, with a dorky voice, hosts a show, presumably based out of his own home kitchen. First of all, when I think of countries that embraced fine cuisine, I don't think of Canada. Strike one. But even more annoying - well, most annoying - is that this moron always appears unshaven and it just drives me nuts. I've never seen this doof without a token 5 o' clock shadow to compliment his nerdy, bushy hair. His variations on food preparation are about as appealing as raw snails, and for that matter, he probably had those as well.

- Secret Life Of... - Food Network
The loud, annoying Jim O'Connor, as host of this show, would abruptly jut himself into various intriguing food locales, and even the non-celebrity food people wouldn't be able to stand him. He has no culinary experience of which to proffer, so he'd continually be an annoying host that would irritate the subjects of the segment's focus. Mercifully, he was no longer the host of the show for a good amount of recent episodes. Here's hoping that network executives saw the light in this case.

- Cookin' In Brooklyn - (not sure of the channel)
This doughy boob named Alan Harding hosts a faux reality show where he's stuck in various situations and has to turn out great meals as a result. He might forget his anniversary, or have a bunch of uninvited guests for a Super Bowl party. Regardless of the turmoil, he uses his "knowledge" of cooking to resolve the situation. Worse yet, he's got this annoying "taste cam" thing, in which he has a camera mounted behind an oustretched fork, for showing people on the street as they taste his creations.

- Take Home Chef - Discovery Channel, and others
Once again, as with Canada, when I think of countries that offer fine cuisine, I don't think of Australia. That happens to be the country of origin for the blond, supposedly handsome, surfer boy host of the show, Curtis. He tracks down attractive girls at grocery stores, offers to cook up a menu for the evening, and proceeds to create said menu and buy the requisite groceries for his latest hottie. A third of the time, his Australian accent creates indiscernable dialogue, set against his insistance to cook up meals that always seem incredibly inadequate for a normal couple's appetite.

- Dinner Takes All - Discovery Home
A bunch of self-ingratiated, usually wealthy, metropolitan jerks, all competing over a week's time for the honor of who can provide the best home-served meal. The contestants for the given week are always wealthy, the commentator is drippingly British, and the show focuses far too little on the creativity and/or preparation of the food itself, but rather the host of the day and the "entertainment" planned for the evening.

- Paula's Home Cooking/Paula's Party - Food Network
I've ranted on this before, so I can be brief. Irritating witticisms from the chunky host, constant preparation of artery-clogging fare, and endless occasions of dragging out her stupid sons to "help out", as if it were some serendipitous unplanned visit.

- Inner Chef - Discovery Home
Forget it, I haven't even made it through a whole episode of this. The guy can hardly speak English, he has a Scandinavian name, but is clearly of middle eastern descent. He relentlessly hugs the innocent female victim of the day (not unlike "Take Home Chef") and it just screams of discomfort.

- Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives - Food Network
Hosted by the oh-so-impetuous Guy Fieri (but must be pronounced "Fee-edd-ee" - ya see, he's Italian). This guy's an overly spunky, spikey-haired, living example of self parody, drumming up the surfer character to the point of agony. Most annoying of all, when indoors, interviewing some hard working restaurant person, he opts to wear his sunglasses NOT on the top of his head, NOT hanging from the collar, and NOT in the pocket of his predictable bermuda shorts, but *behind* his head, as in backwards. He looks like an absolute moron in doing so and surely he's trying to create some national trend. I won't hold my breath.

No comments: